You might be wondering how you might get out of the situation unscathed if a coworker has asked you out and is excitedly anticipating your response or if you have a sneaking sense your cubicle neighbor is about to make a move. How to reject a guy at work nicely? The good news is that even though it may feel awkward at first, declining a date from a coworker is typically rather simple. There shouldn’t be any issues as long as you are professional, sympathetic, and clear about it. Read on for some advice on how to do this the proper way if you’re seeking ways to disappoint them without jeopardizing your job.
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Let Them Know You’re Flattered And Thank Them
Even if you feel uncomfortable, you need to thank the person, says Dana Corry, founder of Modern Relationship Specialists, a relationship coaching firm in Portland, Ore.
“Even if you’re not going to date this person, thank them,” she says. . “They think highly of you enough to ask, and that deserves a little appreciation.”
Thanking the other person also helps prevent them from feeling rejected or depressed, Corey says, adding that it’s important to remember how you want the other person to feel about you when you leave the conversation.
“They need to walk away feeling like they’ve been respected and you’ve heard their voices,” she said. . “When you thank them for the offer, they suddenly feel like you’re having a real conversation — it’s not like they’re being left out.”
Also, Corey says, keep in mind that when someone asks you out, they’ve probably been admiring you from a distance for a while, and it takes courage to speak up.
She explained: ‘Asking you out is not an easy thing to do. They have to work up the courage to do it, and at the very least you need to tell them that you appreciate their offer.”
If You’re Thinking About It, Remind Yourself Of Risks
If you’re debating whether to agree or not, just remember what can go wrong. Office relationships can get messy. If the two of you do start dating and have an argument, the workday can be awkward. If you break up, it may feel uncomfortable walking into the office every day. Worse, if your boss doesn’t know and you happen to violate company policy, you could be out of a job.
Being dated by someone who manages you or has some kind of power over you at work is especially dangerous. This kind of relationship is never a good idea because when one person controls everything, it creates some very unhealthy dynamics.
Be Clear: This Will Never Happen
Although you may want to use words like “maybe in a few months”, “not now” or “I’m busy” to ease the blow, everything you do is to ensure that this dialogue happens again.
“You’re not giving them an answer, you’re just creating an opportunity to make them more persistent,” curry said. “Now you give them a chance – give them hope that one day you will be ready.”
Corry warned that unfortunately if your colleagues are really interested in you, they may interpret “I’m busy” as “ask me again next week”.
It’s Not Your Problem, But My Problem
Kerry said, let the other party know that you refuse their offer not because they don’t meet your standards, but because of the rules you set for yourself.
“When you say it’s not because you think they don’t attract you, but because of you and your desire to maintain your career, it eliminates embarrassment,” poconi said “This can eliminate the pain of being rejected.”
Don’t be afraid to use the word “I” repeatedly, said Charles A. Johnson, an emotional expert and author of “how to find the right person and keep it going”.
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Johnson said phrases such as “I have a personal policy to separate my professional life from my personal life”, “I prefer to keep things professional” and “I don’t date colleagues” are good places to start.
If You Understand, I Suggest You Go Out Together
Laurie Brummel, senior vice president of SkyTeam, an international human resources and leadership development company, said that when people ask you if you are willing to “have a drink sometime”, they don’t always know what they want. Suggesting group activities is a good way to decide what they really want.
Brummel said, “if you are worried about the reaction of your colleagues or the impact of this matter on your working relationship, you can try a subtle method, a method that can turn the situation around.” “Try saying, ‘I think it’s fun to go out with the team. I want to see if someone can join us. It makes people think you don’t want to have a close dinner for two.”
Kerry said that if your colleagues refuse your invitation to group activities and express the wish that you two go out alone, it is time for other dialogues on boundaries and career issues.
“You have to really hear what they are saying,” she said. “If there is any ambiguity, you have to be conservative, because their requirements may be completely irrelevant.”
Let Them Know About Your Professional Concerns
Check your employee handbook for details on your company’s dating policy, says Jennette Pokorny, vice president of marketing and communications for EverNext HR. Most companies have rules against managers dating subordinates, as well as other policies that might make your conversation easier.
“To be able to say ‘I really value my career, and unfortunately our company really doesn’t like dating, so I’ve made a policy of not dating anyone in the workplace,” Pocony says. ‘.
Using this tactic, she says, makes the other person feel like you’re not rejecting them — you’re just following company procedures.
“It’s definitely a face-saver to put the date off to work and let them know that it’s not even right for your career.”
If You Accidentally Agree, Turn It Into A Group Trip
If you agree to go out, but they think it’s a date, form a group! If you are caught off guard, or if you misunderstand their progress, you may be in a difficult situation. Refusing them after they think you accept a date may make things worse, so just invite a group of colleagues to go out together and make it a social work activity.
If they ask what you gave, pretend it’s social. Let them know that if you know this is a romantic date, you will refuse them.
Obviously, this only works if they don’t know it’s a date. “Would you like to have a drink after work?”). If they ask you out directly and you accept it on the spot out of nervousness, then try to withdraw your answer and explain that you feel anxious when they ask you.
If The Flirting Continues, Ignore It
If they’re going to test the waters in the future, brush it off and don’t get involved. For some, infatuation is hard to let go. If they try to flirt with you in the weeks or months after asking you out, they may check to see if you’ve changed your mind. Don’t send the wrong signal. Ignore whatever advances they make towards you. Be nice, but not so nice that they get the wrong idea.
If they smile at you from across the room, give them a slight, unromantic smile and look the other way. If they comment on how nice your hair looks, say “thank you” and keep it moving. They should be prompted.
This is only for subtle, harmless flirting. If they openly provoke, touch you, or make you feel uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to go to Human Resources and file a report. If they’re crossing the line, you don’t have to forgive their feelings.
If They Can’t Accept It, Make An Excuse
If they don’t seem to accept it, find an impeccable excuse. Just make sure you don’t send the signal that if there is any change in the future, you will date them, which is the main danger here. There is also a problem that needs to remember excuses, so if you make up a fake boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t talk about being single with your colleagues at lunch next week. However, when necessary, this can get you out of trouble. You can use this:
“I have a boyfriend / girlfriend. Our relationship is very serious. I’m sorry!”
“I have experienced a lot in my personal life now, and I really need to focus on myself.”
“My predecessor treated me badly, and I have vowed to remain single for the foreseeable future.”
Always Be Professional
No matter what happens, keep your tone and demeanor professional. If the person asking you out responds sharply, or if they start to lose their cool, don’t let them annoy you. Remember, if you react strongly, you may get into trouble at work. You don’t necessarily owe this person anything, but it’s best to remain as professional as possible, even if they aren’t.
This is especially important if they ask you out at the office. Don’t make a scene. If they want to lose their cool and put their work aside, then let them do it. You can fire yourself, or you can find a manager.
If it looks like they’re in tears or can’t take it, there’s nothing wrong with reminding them that they’re a great person and that they didn’t do anything wrong. As long as you don’t look like you’re leaving the door open to future dates and you’re not being unprofessional, you’ll be fine.
If They Don’t Respect Your Wishes, Be Firm
If they come back next week and ask you, please (kindly) put your feet down. Some men and girls just can’t take a hint. If they approach you again and ask you out a second time (or third, fourth, etc.), make it clear that they are crossing the line. Be polite and nice, but let them know that you don’t appreciate them ignoring your wishes. [10] You might say,
“Look, I’ve already said I just want to be a colleague. Please don’t ask me out again.”
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or put you down, but this needs to stop. I don’t want to go out with you. It’s not personal, but please don’t bring it up again.”
If the situation is really bad or they just can’t understand, then bring it up with human resources or your boss.
Respectfully Decline The Offer
Tell them “no” in an amiable way. Let them down gently and respectfully to make it clear that a date is out of the question without making them feel bad about asking you out. Use an “I” statement to express how you feel without implying that there is anything in it. This should minimize any potential conflicts. You might say,
“I really prefer to keep things professional.”
“Unfortunately, I’m going to have to say no. I don’t want to see anyone right now.”
“It’s not you, it’s me. I’m not in a dating life right now.”
“I really value our friendship and I’d rather keep it that way.”
“Thank you for the offer. But I must respectfully decline.”
Conclusion
There are some circumstances in which dating a coworker is acceptable. It might be acceptable if neither of you has authority over the other, you both work in different areas, and your employer doesn’t have an employee relations policy. Just be careful and tell your manager about your relationship before things get out of hand.
It is sexual harassment if you find yourself wondering, “Is this sexual harassment?” Whenever a coworker crosses the line or you feel uneasy at work. Directly submit a report to HR.
